it grows

Each day I feel more reassured and less worried about our little taco growing inside me. Yesterday we had our first appointment with the OB and it went wonderfully. It was our first time to meet her, and we reviewed everything that had happened so far and the ER escapade. She feels right now everything is quite normal and progressing well. At one moment while we were talking, I had a weird thought: "Wow, she's going to be the one to deliver our baby! We're going to have a baby . . ." Wild.

And the best part is right here -- The Taco's first picture:


They could see the yolk sac as well, though it doesn't show well on this picture. Technology is awesomely mindboggling.

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Yesterday I told my boss. Even though I'm so early, I felt I had to, really, especially since I was MIA most of the ER day. I can't quite recall for sure, but I think I actually used the phrase, 'I'm a little bit pregnant' when I told her. Ha, I'm such a goof. I do know I started off with, "I think there's something in the water here," because two other guys that work there are expecting with their wives.

I was nervous about telling her because I have not been working there very long yet and haven't established myself. I want them to know I still care a great deal about my career and I certainly plan to continue to pursue it. When I was gearing myself up to tell her I was expecting those type of questions since, hey, this is work, but it was totally the opposite. She was very supportive and excited for me. We talked a lot about pregnancy in general -- morning sickness, fatigue, no more wine -- and not a word was mentioned as to how this will affect my work.

It's a great relief to know I am supported there; such a weight off my shoulders.

b-b-but Sudafed was my friend and I loved him!

Remember I mentioned The Husband wasn't feeling good last week? He had a hell of a cold. He slowly started to get better as the week went on and I thought, "Ha! I'm in the clear -- I didn't catch it!" Then Thursday morning rolled around and I woke up with the rawest of throats. Oh bugger.

I am so used to self-medicating myself when I get sick like this. Now I can see just how irritating it is to read, " . . . as with all medications, if pregnant or breast-feeding please consult a doctor before using." I think it says that on vitamin bottles, too. So I don't take anything and put in a call to my OB's nurse.

She calls back later in the day and says, "Well, since you're so early, we'd prefer you not use anything at all . . ." Oh, my God; seriously? She continued, ". . . but you can take Sudafed, Benadryl, and Tylenol." Yeah, but to me, that first sentence is what I'm going to try to go by, especially since the scare from earlier in the week. I will take nothing and like it.

At least, until this thing turns into a sinus infection, as colds tend to do with me. I hope antibiodics are okay.

will I have any blood left when they're done?

Today was More Bloodwork Day, but I didn't mind. I'm one of those weird people who like to watch the needle go in my arm anyway. All the people at the OB's office were extremely nice and helpful, and I was so grateful for that. They went ahead and scheduled a regular appointment with me next Monday no matter what the blood work showed so we can make sure everything is okay.

They called me back this afternoon with my new HCG level and it is 882, which is a really good rise. My baby is still growing, and all is well so far. It's the first time I've felt relaxed all week.

Today is also the first day I really had what I would call nausea, though I was still a very far piece from barfing. Just an uneasy, queasy feeling I've had most of the day. I did eat lunch, though later on I wished it hadn't been leftover pizza.

a scary day

Yesterday was not a fun day. I noticed I had some light pink spotting when I went to the bathroom so I called my regular doctor since I didn't have an OB yet. They told me to make my way to the ER to make sure I wasn't miscarrying. Though that was the worry going through my mind ever since I first noticed the spotting, hearing someone say the word is about the worst.

So after a morning meeting at work I headed up to the hospital and called The Husband to let him know what was going on. He's been fighting a head cold so he left work to be with me -- his co-workers thought he was just going to the doctor, which wasn't that far from the truth.

We were there for six long hours. They asked many questions, took a lot of blood, and I even had my introduction to the vaginal ultrasound, though I am so early (4 weeks, 1 day yesterday) they didn't expect to see anything, and nothing was seen.

The doctor's final verdict -- other than "we can't really know for sure, and we couldn't do anything about it anyway" -- is he felt I was not miscarrying. He gave me a 75% chance in favor of being all right. They told me to take it easy and watch out for more spotting which, knock on wood, I have not seen any more of.

Also, at the end of the day, I got my OB referral in from my GP and my first appointment is in 2 1/2 weeks. However, I called them today to inform them of the ER thrill ride and they want me to come by tomorrow for some more blood work, which I am actually ecstatic about. See, they can actually measure the amount of that hormone that makes home pregnancy tests possible -- the amount in your blood should rise at a certain pace every 48 hours. Yesterday mine was 380. Hopefully it will have risen tomorrow. That's the logical, science-y part that my brain can wrap around when I'm feeling so worrisome otherwise.

A long way away

Surprisingly, I didn't cry when I told The Husband. He was really so happy I just grinned as much as he did.

When I handed him the package of baby stuff covered in Fanatic Fan images, I told him I saw a cute shirt in Wal-Mart and I just had to get it for him. He proceeds to pull out a baby onesie and holds it up against his chest for a moment. He told me later that his first thought was, "This is not going to fit me at all. What was she thinking?" A few seconds later and then it clicked.

"Oh, my God. Are you serious?" he asked, looking from me to the onesie.

"Yeah."

"But you told me it might take six months -- oh, wow!" Then he proceeded to hug me and cover me with kisses and take me out to a lovely Italian restaurant, where I almost choked to death on my ceasar salad because sometimes I forget how to chew.

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It's really hitting us how far away Christmas -- and thus, our mark for telling family and friends -- really is. A couple of times over dinner a friend's name would come up and The Husband or I would get excited about telling them about our news and then we'd remember -- we want to wait. Damn.

Even before I knew I was pregnant, I had already thought of how I'd tell the family via the if-I'm-pregnant-this-cycle-this-is-how-I'd-do-it route, and it worked out great since I would tell everyone around Christmas. A perfect excuse to hand out gifts to everyone!

The Husband tells me he will wait until I tell him it's okay to spill the beans -- it's my decision. Don't tell me that! I can think up any number of logical excuses to use Thanksgiving instead. The family will be gathered together as well -- in fact, more will be around. Besides, I guarantee you my mother-in-law will figure me out before Christmas anyway. She is good like that :-)

I am practically dying to pick up the phone and call my mother right now. It's 6:34 a.m.? So what? Eight weeks is a long, long time when you have the best secret in the world.

A BFP and spontaneous hugs in the store

I actually didn't even intend to test this morning. It surely would be too early -- no need to prematurely crush your hopes and all that.

But then I got to thinking, "You know, you have three of those little buggers. You wouldn't be that upset if you don't get that second line yet, now will you? It's like a science experiment!"

So there you go. All good science experiements should involve human pee.

And the first thing I said?

"Where's my camera?!" Yep, that's me.

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I do have another weblog that I have regularly posted to for quite a few years now, but since everybody I know and all my mamma's friends know about that site, I'm gonna keep all the oh-boy-we're-havin'-a-baby stuff hidden away deep within the internet until we, you know, tell people. Hopefully I can keep my trap shut until Christmas. We'll see how that goes.

Right now, at this very moment, only two people in the world know. Myself and the lady that rang me up in the Fanatical Fan Sports Store in the mall. I went by there earlier today to get some Fanatical Fan-branded baby gear to break the news to The Husband with. At first the lady guessed I was going to a baby shower.

"No, actually . . ." I replied, " . . . and, oh my God, you're the first person I'm actually telling, but I just found out I'm about to have a baby, and this is how I'm gonna tell my husband . . ."

At this point I started to loose it, then she started to loose it, and she ran around the counter and gave me a big hug and her congratulations. It was a wonderful moment, actually, and the first time so far I've had a happy cry about the news -- of course, I've only known positively myself for about 12 hours.

The Husband will be home soon, then three people in the world will know. I know I will cry when I see the look on his face.